One of the first things you will notice upon meeting me for the first time is that I am not a very touchy-feely person. I generally don’t like the types of people that will brush an eyelash from my cheek or grab my arm in fright a few minutes upon our introduction. I mean, I appreciate the gesture, but I will most likely be frightened myself.
After shaking your hand, (if you offer), expect no other interaction from me. I’ll cross my feet, twist my clammy hands together, and bite my lip, but I generally will not touch you again until I get to know you better. And please know that it isn’t your fault. You’re not offensive, I’m just awkward.
Considering my friends are theatre people and I’m sort of a theatre person myself, you’d think that I’d grow accustomed to pokes and prods and hugs and kisses and near-lesbian behavior and all that other affectionate stuff. And I sort of have, I guess. I am no longer afraid of hugs. (Yes, it’s true.) Although, I am rarely the one to begin the intimate, friendly behavior, unless I have an ulterior motive: I like you.
I don’t mean “like” like “liking a boy” or like “having a crush on someone”. (I don’t think I could’ve typed “like” any more into that sentence.) I mean “like” like you’re my friend and I want to get to know you better, or I want to get closer to you. Essentially, I feel comfortable around you and would like to be your best friend. For introverts like me, this is a big deal. We are getting out of our comfort zone and initiating human interaction. Be proud of us.
For instance, there’s this friend I have, Jas(mine), and I’ve only known her for a short while. But when we met, I immediately thought she was a super cool person, and that I wanted us to be friends. And now, I notice that I’m always hugging her or trying to find something to say to her. I don’t have a crush on her or love her in a way that isn’t straight, but…I don’t really know.
(Remember how I said that I always want people to accept me? Yeah, this is like that.)
Furthermore, my mind seems to think that the best way to know if people like me or not is if they show me affection. I don’t know why this is true either; another part of my body that I can’t pinpoint thinks that having people trust me with their secrets/ ask me for advice is a better indication of friendship, but the mind will think what the mind wants to think. And it thinks that if someone I know well/ relatively well/ want to know well hugs me or touches me or something, then they like me. And if they don’t, they don’t….Which is obviously not true, because I don’t show affection to new people.
So, I’m a hypocrite.
Sorry for confusing your mind further with my own odd mind. Here’s a quick review:
Hugs from new people=no bueno, Hugs from friends/ people I want to consider friends=bueno, No hugs from people I thought I was friends with=no bueno.
Comprendo?
Until next time, lovelies ❤
~Annika
dameannika 